Across the great divide....

Today's post is a bit special. This post is aimed at anyone who's engaged, and in the process of planning their wedding, and maybe feeling nervous about everything being on time, being delivered, and making the day just as you want it to be. 

I met with my friend Susan recently (who treated me to afternoon tea... she's good like that), and we were chatting about weddings, and what it's like for brides in the run up to their big day. Susan explained that the way she saw it, was as long as she was there, her (now) husband were there, they had someone to marry them, and they had a photographer, that was all that was important to her. And so it was Susan's comment that inspired this post. So thank you Susan, for the scones and the inspiration today.

I decided to ask three married ladies what they were nervous about, and how they felt about those things afterwards. What they would have done differently, and what they feel about in hindsight about their wedding day. Think of it as advice across the threshold of weddings, to brides-to-be from women who've been there, done that, and got the veil.

"I think I'm probably a bit unusual in saying this but I was terrified of being the bride! I hate being centre of attention and am quite shy and reserved by nature. Duncan and mum had to talk me into having a wedding! I wanted to go to Park Circus with two witnesses and no fuss. 



Anyway I'm so glad they talked me into it, I had a fabulous day and have many happy memories of being the 'bride' and lots of lovely photos to look back on.

"

- Wendy



"One thing that I wish I'd done differently was delegate - everyone told me at the time to delegate but I didn't trust anyone to do it right and also didn't want to be a burden, so did most of the planning and organising myself, which resulted in a huge amount of stress in the few months leading up to the wedding. I really was a nightmare to be around, especially for Allan, and would fly off the handle at the smallest thing, just because I had so much on my mind and so much to do. People did tell me at the time to delegate, but I just found it too hard to do.



One piece of advice that I held onto and did definitely abide by on the day was to enjoy every moment and drink it all in as it goes by so fast - I lost count of the number of people who told me that. I was determined on the day to just enjoy it and that if anything did go wrong, there was nothing that could be done about it so I would just have to let it wash over me. Luckily, nothing did go wrong on the day (because I had organised everything!) but I definitely did enjoy every single second of the day.

Oh, another thing that might be a bit of a regret is that we meant to do a line up of just Allan and me before the meal, but completely forgot. And I was dancing for most of the night because I loved all the music, so didn't get a chance to talk to most of the people that were there. I feel really guilty about that and worry that people thought I was being selfish, but I was having such a good time. Not sure how I would change that if I could go back, because I did have such a blast on the dancefloor, but I do worry what our guests must have thought of me, if that makes any sense?

"

- Ariane



"I've heard it said many times that people change after getting married, but we didn't think it'd happen to us because we'd been together for 11 years before then and felt no religious or social pressure to marry. We considered ourselves 'as married' already and were just waiting for a good excuse to throw a party for our friends and family and make things 'official'. 



But were surprised to notice that we do feel different. For one thing, even almost 6 months on we still get a little giddy when referring to each other as husband and wife. But the biggest change is an almost imperceptible one.

Our relationship is the same as it ever was, but we've grown... closer? More secure? More like a family? Certainly not more grown up, although perhaps a greater responsibility to look out for one another; but that doesn't make sense because we looked out for each other before marrying too! Honestly, I'm not really sure I can put my finger on it. But it's there. 

But I'm glad it's there, so I hope my advice won't scare anyone away from getting married!"

- Jenny

Many thanks to Wendy, Ariane, and Jenny for their thoughts! If you've got any comments you'd like to make, advice you'd pass on to brides to be, please feel free to contact me or leave a comment.