Master of Ceremonies....

Being a wedding photographer, I regularly network with other wedding suppliers. We all have something to provide, whether its a service, an accessory, flowers, dresses, jewellery, which help enhance a couple's special day. We all read about check lists of things for couples to book... flowers? chairs? DJ or bands? photographer? But aside from the couple, there is one person involved in every single day who, without them, it would be a big party, and not a wedding. The person who marries or conducts the ceremony, and who's work makes the couple lawfully married. 

Whether a wedding or ceremony is conducted by a registrar, humanist officiant, or whether you have someone from a spiritual or religious background, this role is, quite frankly, vital. While there are blogs across the web proclaiming the value and work that we professional wedding photographers do, I personally felt that the work involved in conducting the ceremony was still something not really talked about. So for this blog post, I approached Reverend Jan Foden, and asked her to explain a little to me about her work involved on the other side of the altar. Reverend Jan is the priest in charge at St Peter and St Paul's Church in Barnby Dunn, Doncaster.

N.B. Obviously, there may be different requirements for different types of ceremony, so please check with your officiant to confirm any procedures before your ceremony.



First of all, can you talk through the actual process involved, when a couple comes to you and asks you to marry them?

When a couple first comes to me to arrange a wedding there are some facts I need to know to satisfy legal requirements (the Church of England is bound by English parliamentary law). In England, everybody has the right to get married in the parish church where they live – unless they have been married before and got divorced. So I have to ask where they live and whether or not they’ve been divorced.

If either of the couple has been divorced, a Church of England priest has the right to refuse to marry them, as a matter of conscience. If a priest agrees to marry the couple, he or she has to conduct an interview with the couple re the circumstances of the previous marriage(s). The priest will then decide whether or not to marry the couple. If the decision is to go ahead, the priest has to inform the Bishop of that diocese.

If the couple don’t live in the parish where they want to get married, there are clauses in the law that allow them to get married automatically in a different parish (this has to do with whether or not one of them has ever lived in the parish/got family connections etc – they are very specific). I have to check if any of those apply. If there is no connection, the couple can still get married in a church in a different parish from where they live if they go on to the Electoral Roll of the church. To do that they have to be baptised and attend the church where they want to get married for 6 months.

When I’ve got all that information sorted ... we can then look for a date. For many couple this is 18 months – 2 years before their wedding, usually because the venues they choose for receptions get booked up.

Can you tell me a bit about what actually goes on from your side of things, before the ceremony and after the ceremony? I imagine there's a lot of behind-the-scenes organisation that people simply don't see, for example arranging an organist, or choir, or contacting any necessary legal bodies? Are there certain procedures that need to be completed?

Every autumn I meet all the couples who are going to get married in the following year (as many as possible in one Marriage Preparation morning in the church building). I provide them with a little booklet and go through the process with them. I then usually meet up with them as individual couples a number of times before their wedding to check all the details of the service etc.

I have to keep careful records of all the bookings and of any things that have to be followed up (eg checking that a couple is attending church regularly in order to qualify to be on the Electoral Roll)

I also have to make sure that other people are available: the organist, the verger (the person who gets all the practical things set up on the day – opening doors & gates, lighting candles, clearing away etc), the choir, the bell ringers.

By law, each couple has to have Banns of Marriage read out  in the parish where they are going to get married and in the parish where they live. This is a declaration to the public of their intention to marry each other. Banns are read out in the church (usually by the vicar) at the main Sunday service on three consecutive Sundays, within a period of three months before the wedding. A record of when the Banns are read is kept in every church. If a couple is getting married here, but live in another parish, they have to get a Banns Certificate from their home church to say that the Banns have been read out there. Without that I can’t legally marry them. The reading of Banns complies with an ancient law, passed to prevent people getting married illegally (ie already married or related to each other in some way).

If I’m marrying someone who has been divorced I also have to see a copy of their Decree Absolute before I can marry them.

[There would be other things that would need to  be done if there were some special circumstances – eg if the couple were not British.]

In the week leading up to the wedding there are a few more things to do! I meet with the couple and other family members and friends for a wedding rehearsal. I have to fill in the details in the two Wedding Registers (handwritten with a fountain pen – biros not allowed) and make out the Marriage Certificate. I also have to prepare a talk for the service.

After the wedding I have to send a copy of the entry in the Wedding Register to the local Register Office.

Do you play a role in preparing the couple for married life together before their ceremony? If so, can you tell me a bit about that and what's involved?

I hold a Marriage Preparation morning for a number of couples together. We do some exercises which are aimed at helping them to value each other and get them thinking about whether or not they have shared goals etc. We also look closely at the promises that they will make to each other in the wedding service ... and the implications of those promises. There is also some more informal input on the occasions that I meet the individual couples. Some churches do run more formal, structured courses for marriage preparation.

Given the amount of travel people have nowadays and that people move around a lot, is it common to get couples from outside your parish to ask you to marry them?

I do get a lot of enquiries from couples outside the parish – partly because we have a very pretty church building. Also a lot of young people have grown up here, but then moved away to neighbouring villages when they’ve set up their own home. There are lots of conditions that need to be met before they can be married here, though (see above).

Is it important that they attend church regularly, or that they have been christened before they can have their ceremony in a church?

By law, those things are only an issue if people are getting married in a different parish from where they live. However, when couples do attend church for a period before their wedding, I think it enhances their experience. The building is more familiar to them as are many of the people who will be there. The vicar also gets a chance to get to know the couple better, which makes the service more personal.

What advice would you give to brides and grooms reading this blog, who want to get married in a church, in terms of things to ask about, where to find information, things to expect?

Don’t be afraid to get in touch with your local church. There are usually details about how to do this on a notice board near the building, in a parish magazine or on a church’s website (most churches have them). If you live in England you can get information about churches at www.achurchnearyou.com. This website also shows you which parish you live in. There is also another useful website that tells you all sorts of things about church weddings: www.yourchurchwedding.org

On a more lighthearted note, do you notice any particular trends in favourite hymns chosen by couples for their ceremony?

I think that the most common choices are whatever hymns people have learnt at school. Currently the favourites here are: ‘Give me joy in my heart’, ‘Lord of the Dance’, ‘All things bright and beautiful’ and ‘One more step along the world I go’. The website ‘Your Church Wedding’ has lots of ideas for hymns, including some that have been especially written for weddings, but set to well-known hymn tunes.

If there's anything more you'd like to add, that I've not covered here, or you think is important or useful, any other comments would be fantastic!

There are some core elements in a church wedding (mainly the declarations and vows) which are set. There will also be a Bible reading and some prayers. But there are lots of things that couples can choose to include in the service that makes it special for them. Each wedding service is unique.

On a personal note, I love doing weddings. Each wedding takes up quite a lot of time (with all the admin and preparation etc) but I feel very privileged to be able to stand up front with each couple as they make their promises to each other, in front of their families and friends. I feel very privileged to be able to play a part in their special day.



Many thanks to Reverend Jan Foden for her thoughtful and fascinating responses!